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Grow old with me, the best is yet to come.
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| (no subject) |
[Oct. 17th, 2008|09:48 pm] |
i've dismembered your body and i've picked apart your brain. i know what your insides look like. the taste of your sweat and the rhythm of your heartbeat. he loves me, he loves me not. i've plucked the petals in our moments of disarray. always landed on an even number with a feeling of assurance. you awake me in the dead of night with a sing song whisper that prickles my skin. with you i am in between consciousness and sleep, in a fuzzy dreamlike state. lips to fingers swirling together in a pastel painting. we're the colors of love. my soul created to you : its counterpart. in a crowded room i feel as if i am beside myself, but together we are never alone.
i write when i'm bored. |
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| (no subject) |
[Sep. 6th, 2008|04:14 pm] |
wednesday i had english and math for the first time.
my english teacher is awesome. i love him, he's so funny.
i made friends with Amanda and Mike. both really nice.
oh and MAXUEL. haha. hes from germany. fricken awesome.
im pretty happy with that class.
then math, Lindsay baby is there. i met Chad, Joe, and tall Amy.
Chad seems really nice. Joe, im pretty sure is gay.
hes really talkative and nice. and tall Amy, she kindof scares me.
then i worked all day. uhg.
thursday child education and math.
child education is awesome because if Amber baby.
but the teacher was really boring thursday.
i hope the class gets better. Amy in that class is nice.
then math again. and work again.
friday same shit hah. Amanda is hillarious.
i told Chris that Amanda likes him. hahaha.
now he won't leave her alone. so funny.
my psychology class, the people are creepy as fuck. uhg.
worked friday.
worked today. work tomorrow. monday is my first day off in 6 days. soooo happy.
then work tuesday and wednesday. wednesday is fricken 3-9. and my long day of school.
uhg. that is gonna suck. i wanna sleep today. kyle and i are supposed to do something.
some family thing. i don't want to go. i really want to watch movies and sleep. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jun. 5th, 2008|11:33 am] |
tuesday was fun. amber picked me up at 930. got my hair done.
came home and spent sometime with kyle. got ready.
amber and steve came over to take pictures. then we left.
when we first got there we took pictures, my key chains are nice.
then we had to wait in the waiting room for awhile.
we took a walk on the roof with the pretty garden.
then went to our table. food was buffet style.
mini canolies. mmmmmm. best part !
danced a lot, it was so hot though.
kyle danced very nicely haha. my little grinder.
it was a lot of fun. everyone looked so nice.
after prom we went to my house and changed.
kyle and i took a quick shower because my hair was gross.
then we went to taco bell and back to my house.
amber and steve passed out fairly quick.
the next morning we went to bernies for breakfast.
big ass pancake. then amber and steve left.
kyle and i went to see the strangers. i liked it.
it scared the shit out of me. haha.
then kyle and i came back here and napped.
ate dinner with my mom and andrew,
then we went to blockbuster.
saw sara and steve. rented some movies.
came home and watched lars and the real girl.
so weird, but i liked it. my boyfriend is the cutest.
tonight is the banquet. im so excited !
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 15th, 2008|02:06 pm] |
1. Reply with your name and I will write something random about you.
2. I will then tell you what song/movie reminds me of you.
3. I will pick a flavor of jello to wrestle with you in.
4. I will say something that only makes sense to you and me.
5. I will tell you my first memory of you.
6. I will tell you what color you remind me of.
7. I'll then ask you something that I've always wondered about you.
8. If I do this for you, you must post this on your LJ. (and be prepared to answer the question I ask in #7) |
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 9th, 2008|01:50 pm] |
Everyone must post either
a. a memory they have of me.
b. a secret about themselves.
or c. what they think about me.
You can be unknown or you can reveal who you are.
Regaurdless, post. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 19th, 2007|12:15 am] |
what is going on? life is such a jumble of emotions lately, i can barely tell up from down. today i got to hang out with alana and joe. eric and margret and rick came later on. alana and joe and i went to friendlys, watched mean girls. and then the guide to recognizing your saints. it was nice spending time with them. the day before that i spent the day at ambers. i miss her so much sometimes. she is my world and i barely get to see her. and tomorrow im hanging out with kaitlin, im so excited. <3
im watching sex and the city. it makes me think on a deeper level. i swear it is the best show created. although i love degrassi, it is fun to watch.. its not spectacular. everwood is also amazing, the way ephrem and aimee think is beautiful. i wish there were more people around here who thought on deeper levels. it seems all boys are your friends to get with you, and all girls are there to backstab you. maybe its the age, or the city, or just people in general. i guess i wont find out for quite some time.
i used to have a million friends, i thought they were all such great friends. but i was so niave. great friends are hard to come by, they really are. almost every person i thought was so amazing has turned their back. and even if they try to get back in your life.. it seems myself as well as that person has grown in seperate directions and its almost impossible to save that old friendship simply because you arent the same people anymore.
i have, i believe 6 friends who would drop just about anything for me. i know amber would in a heart beat, whenever i need her i know she would be there for me as best she could. when i was balling my eyes out freshman year because of a stupid boy, while everyone else was having fun and getting drunk and doing whatever.. she was the only one who stayed in the house with me and just held me while i cried.
kyle has been with me through a lot already and it hasnt been a long period of time, im so thankful for him being in my life. when mother bullshit comes to surface he doesnt turn his back on me in the slightest, he sticks up for me to my mother and takes me for a drive and holds me and knows just how to rub my back to make me feel safe again.
then theres steve, who has been there for me through quite a bit and droped whatever he was doing to pick me up from my grandparents house when i was crying and got in a huge fight with everyone.
then theres eric who always tries to talk sense into me when im flustered about things, he is the one who tries to keep my feet on the ground.
then theres colin who has been there for me for the past 6 years, ignoring his friends to meet me at the top of my street and watch me cry and hold me and tell me he'll fix it.. and then somehow using his intelligence to convince my mother to let me come home.
and last theres alana, who always welcomes me with open arms to her home as an escape she makes me laugh and always has an open ear with plenty of advice.
thoes six people are the closest to my heart. i am so lucky to have them in my life, and i have other good friends.. some who i used to consider true friends and family. kelsey, kaitlin, amanda, nicole, tiffini.. but we've drifted. i miss them. kelsey and i have hungout recently, which i was so happy to do.. but it seems her life is so different, its not uncomfortable talking to her or anything, its just different. and kaitlin and i will get our chance tomorrow. hopefully its just like its always been. amanda and i are getting close again also. and nicole and tiffini.. i dont know they seem so far away. i just want to feel that sense of security and structure that i used to with all of my friends.
Maybe our mistakes are what make our fate. Without them, what would shape our lives? Perhaps if we never veered off course, we wouldn't fall in love, or have babies, or be who we are. After all, seasons change. So do cities. People come into your life and people go. But its comforting to know the ones you love are always in your heart.
Sex and the City.
you are all always in my heart. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 12th, 2007|11:56 pm] |
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im absolutely crazy about you. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 5th, 2007|01:09 pm] |
monday, didn't end up coming over.. change of plans. i miss her. i want to see her asap !!!!!!!
monday i made silly things for amber and kyle. i think amber will like hers. kyle came over after his long day at work. i was so happy i jumped on him. :]
tuesday i laid around all day. then went to work, i hate customers there a whole lot. kyle picked me up. we got clothes and stuff at my house. went to stop and shop to do some grocery shoping. his mom, stepdad, and brother went to the beach so we had the house to ourselves. made stuffed crust pizza :] mmm and played wii bowling, boxing, baseball, and golf. it was fun. we watched napoleon dynomite and fell asleep together. :]
wednesday morning i showered and then he showered we played more wii. went to 99 for lunch. went back to his house. played house hahahha we're so gay its cute. and watched evil dead. he took a nap while i watched fear. i kicked his ass in video games. we sang and danced around his house and talked like retards, it was a lot of fun. we watched the mask and i was sooo sleepy. i made him his lunch for work today and packed it in his cooler. we cleaned his house and went downstairs. put on little miss sunshine, and tried to sleep. went to bed like 4 in the morning. it was so nice.
he woke up at 8 cause he had work this morning at 9. brought me home around 845. i was exhausted, i still am. i have work 3-7. then i am coming home and sleeping for a long time.
i loooove amber barnes. <3 she is going to have a nice day. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 2nd, 2007|02:39 pm] |
friday, went to ambers house <333. we watched movies all day. stepmom and dead silence. then we drove around in her pepes mustang. she practiced driving. shes damn fine at it. we went back to her house. watched the new degrassi ! yeah i was fricken excited. it wasnt as good as i imagined it would be. hung out there for a little, then went home and slept.
saturday, i had to work. kyle picked me up from work. went to my house to change. and he told me my present came in ! i was so excited to find out what it was. fricken ! one was an autographed picture of carrie, samantha, charolette, and miranda from sex and the city.. and all the actresses signed it ! i was so happy. and the other picture was a HUGE one of sarah jessica parker that she signed. and he bought frames for them. i hung them on my wall. he said theres one more coming in. hes amazing. im falling in love with him. after that we went to the mall and i bought these really cute gray converse with pink and blue and white plad stripes. ahh i love them. then we went back to my house, ate pizza. then burned a cd and got amber. we went to taco bell so she could eat. then we went to the fireworks. met up with kelsey. the fireworks were beautiful. saw a lot of people. traffic was crazy. we were in traffic for an hour trying to leave. brought kelsey to her house and amber to her pepes. then we got ice cream and went back to my house and watched shrek 2.
sunday, hung out with kyle again. it was kindof a bad day. got in a really big fight with my mom. kyle stuck up for me to her. i left my house and walked around outside and cried after my mom screamed at me and hit me.. for making food. im a horrible person i guess. then kyle called me and found out where i was and picked me up. we drove around and went to his house and sat there and he told me he wasnt letting it happen again. and that we were going to call the cops if it happens one more time. and i cried a lot and he held me and made me feel better, he really does care.
today amber is coming over later. we are having a sex and the city marathon. i can not wait. she makes me so happyyyyy.
i called her on the phone and she touched herself.
she touched herself, she touched herselffffffff
and i laughed myself to sleep ! |
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| (no subject) |
[Jun. 28th, 2007|11:58 am] |
saturday i worked till 745. i hate that place so much lately. kyle picked me up and we got my stuff. we went to pananera for our one month. it was nice. drove around. went to his house. watched movies.i slept over there. i like falling asleep next to him.
woke up and faught for the shower. haha im so difficult sometimes. went to zack's, his little brother, birthday party. fantastic four ! it was pretty good. i liked it. hung out with kyle for the day.. didnt do much.
monday i went to amandas, alyssa came over. we went to dennys. got free food. mmm. went to dunkin, free coffee. mmm. polar bears didnt want to go to dennys.. damn you. went to amandas. kyle picked me up. we dyed the underneath part of my hair. this auburn color, it didnt come out very vibrant though. you can only see it in the sunlight, but if it was darker id like it a lot. he slept over monday. it was disgustingly hot though. i got up in the middle of the night and slept on the other couch.
he left for a job interview tuesday monring. then came back. he got the job. j polep. horrible hours. i feel like i'll never see him. tuesdayyyyy we went out to eat at friendlys. then to the mall. i went to erics for awhile, went swimming and hung out. kyle came later on, we watched hanibal. went to taco bell with kyle and eric. then blockbuster. i rented dahmer. droped eric off at jaimes. kyle came over and we watched dahmer, sooo good. i love learning about that kindof stuff.
yesterday kyle came over. i finished getting ready. we went to lupa zoo. i love that place so much. i fed the giraffe a lot. his tongue is sooo long and purple and weird feeling. it felt like sand paper on my hand. i kept yelping everytime he licked me. hahaha. i named him jeffrey. hes definitly one of my favorites there.. he remembers me, i swear. everytime i go he stares at me, even if other people are talking to him and feeding him.. i could be far-ish away from him at like the yaks or something and he'll stare at me.. its definitly love at first sight. i also love the donkey a lot. his nose is so soft. the the spider monkey ! oh my god. he did tricks for us. then i fed him a few peanuts. but we were so far away. i had to strech so much and he put his cute arm through the hole in the fence and streched out his fingers and awhhhhh i started jumping up and down. and kyle got so happy lol he was giggling like a little girl. then we saw the other monkeys, where theres a whole family. there grandpa monkey and he has a mustache. and daddy monkey, hes kinda quiet.. laid back.. loved my peanuts. big brother monkey who was silly and made faces at me. baby bunkins.. he was my favorite. he cried cause he couldnt open the peanut awhhh :] i looove him. and then momma monkey.. she yelled at me for playing with baby bunkins. its so fun there. baloo the bear was eating watermellon. we went to kfc afterwards. got a biscut bowl or whatever you call it. soo good. just hung out at my house forever.
today i have work. tomorrow im seeing amber. yay yay.
this was a very long entry.. i havent written in awhile. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jun. 23rd, 2007|12:12 pm] |
i failed algebra2 with a 59.
i want to cry. i think im going to cry.
im not going to summer school because i dont have the time or money.
so next year is going to be the hardest year of my life.
i will be bestfriends with my school books and homework. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jun. 21st, 2007|10:16 am] |
it is now summer vacation. im excited. driving school will be over tomorrow. i am free of all the highschool drama bullshit for atleast two months. i can not wait to be standing on the beach breathing in that salty air with people i love. i want to take many beach trips. the summer is time for corn on the cob and watermellon everyday. lots of sand and waves. and seeing only the people that you want to see. i will get more hours at work and make more money and have more time to spend and save for what i want.
i didnt get my report card yet though, im not sure i passed math. im going to cry if i didnt. i was horrible at math, and that class was too fast for me to keep up with. i need a lot of one on one attention for algebra, and you cant get that in a class of 30 where the teacher insists on rushing through the lessons. thats the only class im nervous for. english, i aced that final i am sure of it. theatre arts i have 100 in that class. mr brown also said i was "boiling over with talent" and it would be a shame for me to not put it to use. that made me feel so good. the science final was hard, but i aced the class so it will only bring me down a little. spanish.. i do not care about that class whatsoever, my mistake for taking spanish 3 honors. i shouldve known after spanish one and two honors that it was going to be crazy hard for me to keep up in that class, especially with ms lynchs over piled work. so if i failed that class, which im sure i did, it wont matter because i didnt need it to begin with. public speaking, you'd have to be blind deaf and dumb to fail that class. and american studies, the final was much harder than i had imagined. but my class grade wasnt bad.. hopefully i got atleast a b in that class.
everyone make plans with me for the summer. next week im seeing amanda one day, and eric tuesday. amber steve and kyle obviously a lot. colin and i have plans, but im not sure for what day. i wanna see nicole when she comes home, i miss her so much. and kelsey and alana.. i need to see them soon. oh summer, you always bring such mystery.
lets this this week has been all halfdays. which im so pumped about. monday i went to joe and tonys for a cookout thingy. amber and steve and i went there. ron and ally were there. danny shakedown was there. then we had to leave for driving school. kyle and i went back later and amanda and nicole were there <3. and torri and nick. and a few people. it was nice.. frisbee and such. and kyle and i went to his house afterwards and watched 50 first dates ! I LOVE THAT MOVIE SOOO MUCH.
tuesday, amber came over after driving school. then eric craig and geoff got us. we went swiming at erics house, that was fun. jaime and tim were there. hot dogs and whatnot. i love my amber baby and eric baby.
and yesterday kyle got me from driving school and we went to the movies. saw surfs up ! thoes penguins are so precious. it was a really cute movie. saw eric hodges when we walked out ! i was happy to see him. went to taco bell and my house and watched degrassi. it was nice.
today, hanging out with amber hopefully. i miss her. even though i saw her yesterday, we're basically married. <3 |
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| (no subject) |
[Jun. 15th, 2007|02:41 pm] |
life has been a merry go round. i wish someone would stand still with me. im happy, im sad.. im confused and set for life all at the same time. amber is my life. i dont know how id be able to survive without her. her and steve are all i NEED. and thats good with me. and eveyone else, i want you in my life.. but i dont need you. and no matter what i decide to do about everything.. i will be set.
and im gonna miss you like a child misses their blanket ! |
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| (no subject) |
[Jun. 4th, 2007|01:15 pm] |
Put your music on shuffle, first 30 songs write a line.
Everyone must guess what song it is from the line.
1. i'm still pretty but i feel like a car crash.
2. what is love, baby dont hurt me.. dont hurt me no more.
3. whenever one door closes, i hope one more opens.
4. if sexy never left then whys everbody on my shi it it?
5. im black, handsome, i sing cause im rich and ima flirt.
6. my goal's to reach your hand anyday now.
7. my real life's just begun cause theres nothing like your smile made of sun.
8. you gotta be bad, you gotta be bold, you gotta be wiser.
9. the august sky will then bare witness to a brand new chapter with torn up pages.
10. cause you and i both loved, what you and i spoke of.
11. but i was blind, you cheated on me from behind.
12. this is the last night in my body.
13. a sober straight face gets you out of your clothes.
14. i always catch the clock, its 11:11 and now you wanna talk.
15. who said, who said you cant be superman? i say, i say that i know you can !
16. striped and polished, i am new i am fresh. i am feeling so ambition, you and me flesh to flesh.
17. i wanna follow in your footsteps so you know you're never alone.
18. "you changed my life" i wanted to say thank you, you make me high like i could touch the sky.
19. who needs love when you've got insecurities?
20. you're my beautiful, blue and white.
21. because maybe, you're gonne be the one who saves me.
22. next door theres an old man who loved to his 90's and one day, passed away in his sleep.
23. i'll make a wish send it to heaven, then make you want to cry.
24. your dreams stay big, your worries stay small.
25. whispers "hello, i miss you quite terribly"
26. if anyone could make me a better person, you could.
27. you're burnin bridges baby.
28. i thought she was a flower, but i found out shes a weed.
29. and i starve, i starve for you.
30. if theres one memory i dont wanna lose, that time at the mall you and me in the dressing room. |
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| (no subject) |
[May. 31st, 2007|08:27 pm] |
life has been good, bad, and all of the above. i love the moments when your cheeks hurt from smiling and you cant stop talking because youre so wired on life. ive had a lot of that lately. ive also had a lot of crying. i have a lot to think about. i miss everyone. i miss people i was close to a few months ago, i miss people i was close to a few years ago. friends become strangers, and strangers become friends. its all so strange how that happens.
so sunday, hung out with eric, craig, jaime, julio, roy. it was a very fun day. went to kerris. nicoles birthday thing. i love her. i was in a bad mood. the night ended up being really horrible. until 4 in the morning when i passed out.
monday, more fighting, with everyone. i was at my grandparents and called steve to come get me. went to his house. he ate squid and it squirted me. his mom loves me. we washed his car. it was a good time. then saw kyle for a bit.
tuesday worked, saw kyle again.
wenesday, kyle again. epic movie. so funny.
today, taco bell and mall with steve porier. ive missed him<3
i need time to run. i need amber time atleast 5 times a week. i need to see amanda more, i miss her. i miss alana. i miss kelsey. i miss kaitlin. i miss nicole. i miss tiffini. i miss all of the skeletons. i miss joe. i miss ron. i miss life.
for what its worth, ive always admired you. |
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| (no subject) |
[May. 27th, 2007|12:30 am] |
last night amber baby slept over.
it was so nice to be with her.
cross roads and cute talks.
we made food and steve came over.
then this morning sex and the city<3
then i had work, which went by quickly.
i love jd hes such a sweet boy.
babyboy picked me up from work.
then i went home and changed and tiffini and alyssa got me.
went to steveohs house. nicole angie brent damien.
watched 4 brothers. steve stoped over for a minute.
frisbee. i went home. tomorrow work some more.
then eric. and its nicoles birthday! right now actually.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY NICOLE BABY !
hopefully seeing nicole and tiffini and whoever.
goodnight, and the end. |
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| (no subject) |
[May. 23rd, 2007|09:05 am] |
im really happy. if you wanna see me, make plans.
saturday saw alana and lisa. friendlys and mall.
it was a nice time. my gummy bears were on the titanic.
sunday, laid around all day + work at night oh yay !
monday, kaitlin for a little and it was so cute.
i miss that girl. we are gonna hang out next week i think
play some ddr. im so pumped. MAYBE SWIMMING ! depending on her pool.
and the weather. oh summer come fasterrrr <3. taco bell.
and kyle came. and then kaitlin went to the movies with her friends.
and kyle came over. and i adore him <3. and then yesterday kyle again.
it was also mcas day. so amber and steve in the morning.
life is wonderful. today will be super. and tomorrow work, gay.
but friday amber hopefully. and she turns my world upside down.
so you know that will be a party. mcas day again today.
i should go get ready. im so lazy. my hair is wet. i need to dry it.
im in a fantastic mood. :] too bad i couldnt have a delicious breakfast.
right amber ;] hahahhaha shes my other half.
lookin through your old box of notes,
found thoes pictures it ook that you were lookin for
if theres one memory i dont wanna lose,
that time at the mall you and me in the dressing room ! |
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